slam bam I come unseen
but like gasoline
you tell Im in the tank
like money in the bank
I smell appealing
but Im toxic Ill send you reeling
without an inkling
Spearhead- Oh My God

My heart is broken. I somehow left my MP3 player in a cab. Between having only two hours to get Gabbys Christmas gifts at Toys R Us and running from the cab to my house then back out then back up, I think I left it in the back seat. God.. all that Spearhead, Michael Franti and every fucking classic hip hop album EVER FUCKING MADE was on there. Jesus Christ, hours and hours and hours on my 30 gig zen- GONE. Nothing short of tragic. I will be taking a brief break to show respect to what was once the best hip hop collection on one device ever made. Bow your heads readers.. a moment of silence will begin now.

BITCH DISCLAIMER

SO I confess to throwing yet another one of my nasty temper tantrums in my last entry. Yes, I was pissed at the TWU. I still think they are irrisponsible, and I still am irritated for the three days of last minute christmas shopping I missed. Yes folks, today, I will be doing 90% of my Santa Claus shopping. I need to find a Tamagachi, and pronto.

So I was talking to Daddy (Brooklyn Daddy) who has been working at Kings County Hosiptal since out of Nam. "Are you in a union?" I asked him. "Well, yeah of course, man!", he responds in his trini accent. "So if your union ordered you all to strike, you would have to strike even if you didnt want to?" "Well yeah, Jess, what the hell, man, if they say strike you strike! You have to!". Hmm this was interesting to me. "So, but what if you didnt want to? I mean what if you said "fuck you" Im going to work?". Now he was getting irritated at me "JESSS", he started "youll get your ass kicked for something like that!". "Seems a bit like the Cripts and Bloods if you ask me, Daddy", and with that he busted out in his HOOO HOOO HOOO santa clause ish laugh. Causing me to laugh at myself.

This morning the bitter cold walk down Ditmars for about 10 blocks was like a parade, In that everyone looked at eachother in the "I struggled with you!" sort of way, it was almost, dare I say, pleasant! People were practically smiling and waving at eachother! Damn! It was like the urban version of some old 1950s leave it to Beaver episode. For a minute I got caught up in it, but, I of course, as usual, am plugged into numerous devices, including, but not limited to my MP3 player and my cell phone. My bag was stuffed to compacity with my scarf and ball of yarn (yes I knit to! wanna marry me yet?) and xmas cards that I haven't yet sent are spilling out of the side of my bag. My cell phone rings as I am marching up the train station steps- it is my mom. So we start chatting as Im huffing and puffing after schlepping about 15lbs of crap up those damn steps. SO I get on the train and people are sitting already. The doors are open. I step into the open doors and just then my mom says "so are you happy to get on the train?" "YES!", I respond though not realizing at this point that I am being that loud obnoxious person on the train shouting into her cell phone "I never thought I would say I am SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY TO BE ON THE TRAIN" just then I look around and realize that I have just made an announcement to the entire car and people are staring at me like Im some sort of freak.

SHAME ON YOU TWU

So my venture into work this morning started with the morning news "TRANSIT STRIKE
2005". I sat with G who ran into the next room hissing "yesssssssssssssssssss" after the announcement of the two hour delays for New York City public schools. My first instinct was to say "fuck it, Im staying home" Then they started showing clips of each side's heated words towards one another (The TWU and the MTA). The TWU wants a 10.5% raise- not settling for 9%- instead of having to contribute 1% to health benefits they do not want to contribute at all. Toussant is quoted as saying "the MTA is trying to keep the MTA workers in the middle class and we will not tolerate that". So, I got annoyed and off to Craigslist I went.

I checked the "rideshare" section and found someone who needed two other people to meet the 4 person minimum to get into the city. They were going to 55 and lex not far from my office. SO I called and a very nice young man named Jason answered. I explained to him that I was in Astoria, not far from the 59th street bridge. I told him I would try to get another person to come in, but if not we still had enough people. We agreed to meet at Ditmars and 21. So I dropped G off at school, and bundled up (because if course its BITTER cold out today)and waited on the corner of 21 and Ditmars (at a bus stop). Traffic was horrible throughout Queens and they got held up somewhere around Northern Blvd. I offered to get everyone coffee but they all declined. So I sat on that corner with my cup of coffee waiting. "Hey you know the Busses are not working, they are on strike" at least 4 people said to me. Wow, New Yorkers are so helpful sometimes. SO I waited until the blue audi station wagon pulled up and called my cell phone 3 men were in the car waving excitedly at me. I ran over to the car. All three were very flamboyant gay men, all with southern accents. Oh, god that made me miss my mom and her friends in New Orleans. For some reason black gay men and Latino gay men just make feel like Im with my people. I guess its the way I grew up, with my mom and her friends and most of my highschool friends were black or puertorican gay men, so I was thrilled. We get into the car and they are blasting Mariah Carey, and all get to chatting. Down 21 street traffic is clear. So we start all singing "Vision of Love" with the windows down inbetween asking what each person does and descriptions of how Mariah Carey has morphed into a tacky yenta. The two men in the front were engaged and the guy in the back was a co worker. They all work at a cd store right by my office. We get to 59th street bridge upper level and its totally CLEAR. By the time we reached 55th and lex we were pumping "dream lover" and exchanging numbers. I offered to give our driver, Jason 10.00 but he declined. So, Duane or Jason if you are reading this, THANK YOU SO MUCH! God, I love NYC when shit happens.


Fuck you TWU. That is all I have to say, you greedy bastards. Toussant is a babbling moron. What the hell kind of statement is it to say "they are trying to keep us in the middle class?" Dude, your a fucking buss driver, or booth clerk. Give me a break. Not to mention when do you ever see a nice booth clerk? When?!? And you want a 10.5% raise? Are you smoking rock?!? Here is a newsflash- there are thousands of people chomping at the bit to get your job- you are sooo replaceable. And who was the idiot that made the contract end right before Christmas? My Christmas shopping is no where NEAR done, and there is a strike, this is horrible. So TWU, you get bad karma, bad bad evil blue Karma for this stint. Fuckers. Now before I get hate mail, I am all for workers rights, and the right to strike, but the fuckin TWU- these people make decent salary and get better benefits than most of us who work in the private sector. I mean they get better benefits than doctors and lawyers that I know! So, to use their power to hold the city hostage right before Christmas to get its ridiculous demands met just screws the middle class working New Yorkers.

Shame on you, TWU.

People I would Like to Bitchslap

The guy who decided it is a great idea stalk my dad through me. Number one, I thought you left the firm. But surprise surprise I came to my desk this morning, and there you were. When you were a temp and sat next to me, I thought you were cool because you were a teacher part time. So, we started talking. BUT first off you look like bullwinkle! Secondly, your love for my dad is fucking scary. I mean, I can admire that you appreciate his work, but dont keep calling me and sending me emails asking what he is up to. He has a website. Also, you should know that my dad will probably will never even read this paragraph of my blog. Why? Because hes not interested. Get the picture? Got it? Good! Moving right along...

Whoever made the fat free Rice Krispy Treats at the little store by my office. I have two words for you-ass explosions.

Arnold- First of all, what the fuck are you doing as Governor of California? Seriously. I wanted Gary Coleman to win. I bet if HE won, Stanley Tookie Williams wouldnt be dead, you asshole! Our fucking country runs to Iraq and kills thousands of innocent people, yet, abortion is wrong, and we teach our kids that killing another human being is wrong- ooh some big lesson you showed the world. BTW, Jeffrey Dahmer was a killer who ate people, yet he got life. How much good did he do while he was in prison? Hypocritical asshole. Here are some facts to ponder:

*Stanley Tookie Williams was sentenced to death for the 1979 shooting deaths of 4 innocent people. He was a Former CRIPS street gang co-founder and member
Executed on 12/12/2005

*Ray Killen- was charged with manslaughter in the shooting deaths of 3 innocent people on June 21, 1964. Former leader and active member in a faction of the KKK
currently a free man as of 12/12/2005

*Jeffrey Dahmer- Serial killer/canibal
Went on a 13 year killing spree killing and eating numerous people, keeping their heads in his freezer.
Senteced to 15 consecutive life terms or a total 957 years in prison- was killed my another inmate, Christopher Scarver on November 28, 1994


So that is all for today, as I am not yet fully cafinated.

Big Boys DO Cry

AP Photo



In light of the Cunningham scandal, which I had to laugh- this man is the BEST at breaking into tears on demand. I, for one, have been known as the pro after my debut as Aunt Polly in Tom Sawyer, but this guy puts me to shame!

In Boston,Todd Cunningham, 29, the son of U.S. Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham (R-CA),
was sentenced on November 17 to 2-1/2 years in federal prison for marijuana smuggling. Rep. Cunningham, who has supported the death penalty for drug traffickers, made a tearful plea to U.S.Judge Reginald C. Lindsay for leniency for his son.  (Bill Murphy, "Lawmaker's son pleads guilty," San Diego Union Tribune, August 15, 1998)

Todd Cunningham was arrested for attempting to fly over 400lbs of pot out of Lawrence Municipal Airport in North Andover, Massachusetts. He then jumped out of a window while trying to escape, breaking his leg.. then if that wasn't bad enough, tested postiive for Cocane. Nice! He was sentenced to get this, Bootcamp and a halfway house. Sounds very Sally Jesse Rafael to me, or Maury Povich, you know, when he gets all of the bad teens lined up and that big black dude comes out and shouts in their faces, then takes them to bootcamp where they cry and beg forgiveness..But here is the main difference folks, this was in 1998 and at the time little Todd was 29 YEARS OLD! God bless America and its rich congressmen daddys.

Now after admitting to accepting monetary and gift bribes from "Defense Contractors" somewhere in the ballpark of 2.4 Million dollars, Duke was quoted as saying "I misled my friends, family and myself. The truth is, I broke the law and disgraced my office and myself," Cunningham said after his plea, breaking into tears at a news conference. (Tony Perry, LA Times, November 28, 2005)

November doesn't seem to be a good month for the Cunninghams. Stop being such a crying little bitch, Dukie, you and your fellow Repubs are slowing coming down one, by one, by one...Just another example of how the administration is benefitting from the war in Iraq. So while we send out our sons and our daughters to die in Bushies oil war, the fat pigs that we call the US Government are filling their fat bellies with the help of companies like Haliburton, and criminals like Cunningham, DeLay, Rove, Frist, Libby and Cheney. So grab your popcorn and hug your children, folks, because the next three years should be rather interesting.

What A Wonderful Thing Is The End Of A String

It is like I am 8 years old again. Standing on the edge of the high dive board at Crescenta Valley High School, looking down at the calm water- that feeling of excitement, anticipation and scared shitlessness all in one basketball sized mass in the pit of my stomach. I leap off- and for a moment I am flying-flying in my pink backless one piece bathing suit- my skinny arms and legs flailing in the air- no floaties-I land belly first, of course, into the thin sheet of glass and sink in to the deep cold silent water. Every inch of my skin is stinging, like REALLY stinging- yet Im pretty sure I am smiling under the water.. I try with all of my might to fight my way up to the top of the water so I can get some air. I jump up "Can I do it again"?!?.

This is my take on relationships. This is my take on dating, on love on anything. We are all creatures of habbit in some sense and even those who try to be spontaneous even find habit in trying to be spontaneous. We all stand at the edge of that high dive and look down and anticipate the fall, the dive, the land and the crash. We all know its going to hurt, but damn its going to hurt so good! You can either cry about it or sink underwater with a goofy toothless 8 year old smile on your face.

I woke up this morning feeling like I had a large glass of battery acid before bed. Both glands on either side of my throat feel like fucking golf balls. But I had to follow the rule I so strictly enforce on G. No fever, no vomit? Your butt is going to school. So I pulled myself out of bed slowly, and ...shit why am I so tired? I slept over 9 hours! God dammit, yall, I have the flu. Only when I have the flu, I can never just be sick. No, no take some meds and go to bed for me. I have to make breakfast, sign book orders for G, make dinner, get her in the tub/shower, get her ready for bed. So this morning it just all came too much to bear and I had a very diva esque breakdown on 23 street. Some background- this morning, I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and sweat my fever out, but no. I took Tuesday off to take G to the doc (where I prolly caught this fucking virus). In the span of an hour, G lost her shoes, lost her scarf, needed her bookorder signed and ready to go by today, then proceeded to get stank with me and toss the book order at me (yes you know I wasn't having it and threatened her with death), I burned breakfast, then on my way downstairs I look at the recycling bin and realize its knocked over- and what was sitting there in the middle of my sidewalk? My Ortho fucking Evera (birth control patch) box with my name on it. NICE! So we take down the garbage and get halfway down the street and I see G has only one glove. " I dropped it" she says.. "where?" I ask.. "way down there" she says, pointing back towards the house. "why didn't you tell me?" I say.. "I dont know" she says back.. So we march back to the house and there it is on front steps. Mind you, we already 20 minutes late. So we get to the corner for the second time. And there I am in my big dark sunglasses and favorite coat (yes folks its soo cute).. and G says "MOM! I forgot my show and tell!" that was it. Snap time. I was like "jesus christ, G, when you are sick, dont I take care of you? Dont I? When I am sick does anyone take care of me? No! Does anyone make me soup and give me juice? No! Cant you just for this once give me a break? Please? I know its not your job but for the love of god, please, can you just give me a BREAK TODAY?".. "fine" she responds. And I continue to march down 23 street. The only person who can somewhat understand my suffering is my best friend, and these are the moments we need eachother most. I reach for my cell phone.. and dig and dig and then realize- I forgot it. I literally started crying. Sometimes the simple things are just too much. SO there I am in the cold with a fever, crying while bringing G to school. I get it together before we reach the building. We give eachother a quick hug and part ways.. This is why I have a therapy fund for her.. Ill be sure to contribute today.