The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Merry Kissmas

Ok, I admit it, somewhere in me there is a girl gone wild just waiting to jump out, and she jumped out the night of our Christmas party. Tacky Tacky Tacky Tacky....

I went with two girlfriends of mine to the company Christmas party and had planned on crashing at my friends house in queens. Now, its been a while since I have had anything remotely close to action, so I tell you in advance that this could be the cause of my lapse of judgment.

So there we all were, my other married girlfriend had left leaving me and my other girlfriend, who is strangely too much like me, alone. Two single girls with their group guy (one of whom my friend has been crushing on) friends at the party having WAYY too much to drink and me with an overnight babysitter. Dangerous.

So the actual party was fine, I carried myself as the respectable employee that I am and did not proceed to make a total nudge of myself. We manage to get to a bar where they have the after party. On my way in, I’m feeling fab. But that drunky kind of fab that comes after a cosmo, champagne and wine. I had a strut in my step and was in full force. I run into one guy, who had sort of ran into me at the party and who was trying to talk to me, but I quickly got rid of him with the “I have a child who is really hyper” story. Always works. SO I see him again, and I guess he has forgotten this and proceeds to talk to me with such enthusiasm, it was annoying, with his friend next to him. His friend was cute, sort of boyishly young, definitely a lawyer. But the young vulnerable type who probably gets ABUSED by the partners type. So the friend and I get to talking and I quickly move away from the two towards my friends who have reserved a seat for me in the back on the sofa. So I sit, and have yet more drinks. Then, Mr. Personality and his cute friend come by and plop down next to us. Cute friend next to me. So Mr. Personality realizes I’m not talking to him and moves on and there I am in deep conversation with the cute friend. Don’t ask me what we were talking about. So I’m sensing the flirty ness. I’m flirting back. Well, the night progresses and damn near everyone has left except for my girlfriend, one of our guy friends, myself, the cute boy and a few scattered others. I go to look for my girlfriend so we can go, and she is no where to be found. I’m starting to panic because I have to go to Queens because now its to late to go to Jersey. So, I proceed to search for her all over the bar. The cute boy is hinting I can “come to his place (yeah right, I’m drunk, but I ain’t THAT drunk!), I go upstairs and I check the bathroom, the hallways, everywhere and she is no where to be found. I make it down the stairs to the bar area where the cute boy is standing. I turn to talk to him and get a glimpse of this corner upstairs. My friend is up there with a boy, FULL ON MAKING OUT. We are talking hardcore. So, being the good girlfriend that I am, turn my back to it and block the view that the cute boy may have if he looks up. I tell him, he can go home, that I will wait for my friend. That’s when he leans in for it. He grabs my face and everything. I’m sort of stunned at this point. But I kiss him back. And it was really a good kiss overall. Then I realize that there are people from our place of employment wandering around there so I sort of push him away, in a “Ill kiss you later but you have to back the fuck off for now” sort of way. He leans in again, and I sort of turn and say “no..not here”. Stupid ha, looking back he probably thought we would be checking into a hotel. Now mind you, during the course of the evening, I realize that a friend of mine is this guy’s secretary. And she talks about him ALL THE TIME. SOO, my friend heads down the stairs with her special friend with her, and they look at me like “you busted us”. I sort of nod and say, “we should go” and we all decide to walk to the office to grab my overnight bag. All four of us walk to the office and I decide to wait in the lobby with the cute boy. Now people are walking in and out of the office building even at this time when the cute boy decides he wants to kiss me again. RIGHT there in the lobby of the building. SO he does and I make it very quick before ending it. He looked very dapper in his wool coat- dressed how I would dress if I were guy. His glasses were a nice accessory. I tell him “I’m going up” and he says “NOOO- dont do that, dont interrupt them” so I say “noo, its time to go, I’m tired”. So we make our way up to my friends office where the door is closed and I knock on the door. The cute boy then AGAIN proceeds to try to kiss me in the hallway! So now, I’m getting annoyed. I’m all for this down low sort of thing, but I dont want this publicly displayed! SO I push him away and give him a sort of annoyed look. Thats the last time he tried to kiss me and whats worse is when I left him and got in a cab, I kissed him on the cheek goodbye.

I didn’t realize how often I would see this boy, because now it seems I see him all the time. And we are both so immature that we sort of blush and wave to each other when we pass each other in the lunchroom. He has his friends, I have mine. And NO ONE could ever know about this. So we make it so not obvious. Only now, when I pass his table three of the four guys he sits with always turns around looks at me and smiles. I have no idea who the fuck these people are or what they know. All I know is office romance is always BAD NEWS and I was a naughty girl. But after two weeks, it will be so “last year” so it wont count anyway....

Merry Kissmas yall!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Cutting the Life Lines

I can understand how lots of people would think it is strange to live with your ex. I understand this completely... but we have three bedrooms, and I’m in one, he’s in the excuse, right? Ok.. I know.

Ive told D he has to go. We cant continue to live together- its just keeping us in this broken up limbo phase. Why the fuck are men sometimes like babies holding their umbilical cords just waiting for somewhere to plug it in?!? We cant be room mates. I probably emotionally could, but he cant. He still tries to sneak in the bathroom when Im showering. Not that we cant be friends, but we cant live together as friends, and he definately can NOT see my awesome wax job anymore. Some relationships you just cant do that with. Its hard because I really truly feel like I have been single for a long time now. He, on the other hand still feels as though this is fresh and new. How do you politely tell someone you really dont love them anymore? Here is your answer- you cant. Sometimes I speak before thinking things through and it just blurts out. Like this morning, we were both getting ready for work, and he says “listen, J, lets go PA, just as friends (he has been doing stupid passive aggressive shit like this for the longest and it annoys the shit out of me- like really- am I supposed to say ‘yes lets go right now to PA and have a nice vacay’ !” I not being caffeinated, therefore lacking the mechanism in my brain that says “do not say that” blurt out “D, we are not together now, we are not getting back together, we are not going to PA or Skiing, Im not going to FL with you to pretend in front of your family that we are still together, we are not going away together, I hate that you still live here- you have to go back to the condo- I want to get on with my life- I just don’t love you anymore!!”. As usual, when I do this, he just sits there for a minute mouth half open gagging before he retaliates with something to protect his ego. He says “that’s fine- you know my friends all say how lucky you are that we are broken up and I still contribute to this house” ooh good one. “Contribute to this HOUSE?!? You FUCKING LIVE HERE, ASSHOLE! So please just pack your shit and GO and then go sign up for the Mother Theresa award for Humanitarian of the Year, shitface!” I probably shouldn’t have said Mother Theresa, and Shitface in the same sentence, but I was pissed (sorry God, Ill repent later). So he is leaving for the Condo full time today! When we first broke up, he stayed at the condo for a month. Then his brother came into town and he asked if he could stay at the house. I let him (stupid me), then he asked if he could sleep in the spare bedroom, and split all rent and bills with me so I could save up to move. This sounded logical to me at the time , so I let him do that. REALLY thinking that we could really just be room mates. I really thought he was as mature as I was. My bad. It will be nice to be able to walk around in my T shirt and underpants again.

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