Today Is Going To Be A GREAT Day
Yesterday Bianca called me and said she heard this motivational speaker say that if you say first thing in the morning "Today is going to be a great day" you will have a great day. So she said she tried this and it has helped her (she has two kids). I have heard versions of this such as "tell yourself you are beautiful and you feel beautiful"- So I told her I would try-
So this is my morning so far.
Alarm goes off at 6:30 and as my eyes are opening I notice G standing at the foot of my bed, which initially scared the shit out of me- I cant even get my eyes open before I hear "mom, the tv isnt working- call the cable company-and I want banana pancakes". So after telling her to NOT feed me bad news first thing in the morning as I am now practicing the theory that if you say "today is going to be a great day" to yourself in the morning, you will have a great day. I begin to say outloud "Today is going to be a great day" to myself on my way to the bathroom . I go to brush my teeth, only now that G doesn't have the TV to zone out on, she is following me. So, when I go to brush my teeth, she has to brush her teeth. So I give myself a squirt of toothpaste, then give her a squirt and we start brushing our teeth- only, when I go to spit, she has to spit at the exact same time- I lean down, she leans over and WHAM! We hit heads. After fussing about that and brushing some more I go to spit and there is a little bit of blood (no I dont have gum disease.. I must have missed something flossing!) of course G notices and will no doubt tell someone (probably a random neighbor or something) that I don't want to know- and starts asking me "what is that? Why is there some blood there? You need to go to the dentist!". So after G pointing out that bleeding gums is the sign of gum disease which means my teeth will no doubt fall out, I go to the kitchen (G RIGHT BEHIND ME) and get the coffee started, and to get G dressed- I put her socks next to her and tell her to get her socks and shoes on so when I get out of the shower, all I have to do is do her hair (which, btw, takes longer than it even takes to do mine). WELL, after my 20 minute shower, I get out, and she is JUST putting on the second sock. "What happened?!? It takes you 20 minutes to put a sock on?!?" I say.. "ugh, this sock is inside out", she responds. "Today is going ot be a great day" I say to myself- but OMG, I wanted to kill my child. But wait- it gets better.
So Im rushing around the house so that G will have time to eat something hot (since she doesn't like school breakfast)- G still right behind me- literally if I stopped short, she would have been up my ass. Im getting my lunch together, and ravaging through the cabinets trying to figure out what to make since I don't have time for pancakes- "G you want toast?" answer? "no" "G you want farina?" answer? "no" "G you want oatmeal? Im not making PANCAKES!" answer? "no" "G god dammit- Im making you eggs- eat them or dont! I dont care!" answer? "nooooooo! oh, mom, I accidentally spilled your coffee" . Mind you, Im not even dressed completely so Im cleaning cofee with my robe wide open, in bra and underpants and socks ("today is going to be a great day" say it with me now) and my spoiled ass child is acting like Im depriving her by making eggs and toast and now there is a coffee spill somewhere. You know, my mother NEVER made me breakfast on a school morning. But me, I try to be considerate and make her a hot breakfast on a cold morning and this is the thanks I get?!? Being a mom is such a thankless job. So she is at the table eating her eggs and toast and goes "Mom, you make me feel like Im a slow snail!" she says. "Well, G , you are. Deal with it or move your behind. It doesn't take 20 minutes to put your socks on the morning" I respond. "Mom, the socks you gave me were inside out!" "Well, G, it takes 20 minutes to turn your socks to the right side?!? Seriously!" So THEN you know what she says to me?!? She says "No, SERIOUSLY, mom, next time you give me socks make sure they are right side in so I wont be so slow!"
The NERVE. Today is going to be a great day.
The moral of this story? Dont have kids.
Have a great day.
So this is my morning so far.
Alarm goes off at 6:30 and as my eyes are opening I notice G standing at the foot of my bed, which initially scared the shit out of me- I cant even get my eyes open before I hear "mom, the tv isnt working- call the cable company-and I want banana pancakes". So after telling her to NOT feed me bad news first thing in the morning as I am now practicing the theory that if you say "today is going to be a great day" to yourself in the morning, you will have a great day. I begin to say outloud "Today is going to be a great day" to myself on my way to the bathroom . I go to brush my teeth, only now that G doesn't have the TV to zone out on, she is following me. So, when I go to brush my teeth, she has to brush her teeth. So I give myself a squirt of toothpaste, then give her a squirt and we start brushing our teeth- only, when I go to spit, she has to spit at the exact same time- I lean down, she leans over and WHAM! We hit heads. After fussing about that and brushing some more I go to spit and there is a little bit of blood (no I dont have gum disease.. I must have missed something flossing!) of course G notices and will no doubt tell someone (probably a random neighbor or something) that I don't want to know- and starts asking me "what is that? Why is there some blood there? You need to go to the dentist!". So after G pointing out that bleeding gums is the sign of gum disease which means my teeth will no doubt fall out, I go to the kitchen (G RIGHT BEHIND ME) and get the coffee started, and to get G dressed- I put her socks next to her and tell her to get her socks and shoes on so when I get out of the shower, all I have to do is do her hair (which, btw, takes longer than it even takes to do mine). WELL, after my 20 minute shower, I get out, and she is JUST putting on the second sock. "What happened?!? It takes you 20 minutes to put a sock on?!?" I say.. "ugh, this sock is inside out", she responds. "Today is going ot be a great day" I say to myself- but OMG, I wanted to kill my child. But wait- it gets better.
So Im rushing around the house so that G will have time to eat something hot (since she doesn't like school breakfast)- G still right behind me- literally if I stopped short, she would have been up my ass. Im getting my lunch together, and ravaging through the cabinets trying to figure out what to make since I don't have time for pancakes- "G you want toast?" answer? "no" "G you want farina?" answer? "no" "G you want oatmeal? Im not making PANCAKES!" answer? "no" "G god dammit- Im making you eggs- eat them or dont! I dont care!" answer? "nooooooo! oh, mom, I accidentally spilled your coffee" . Mind you, Im not even dressed completely so Im cleaning cofee with my robe wide open, in bra and underpants and socks ("today is going to be a great day" say it with me now) and my spoiled ass child is acting like Im depriving her by making eggs and toast and now there is a coffee spill somewhere. You know, my mother NEVER made me breakfast on a school morning. But me, I try to be considerate and make her a hot breakfast on a cold morning and this is the thanks I get?!? Being a mom is such a thankless job. So she is at the table eating her eggs and toast and goes "Mom, you make me feel like Im a slow snail!" she says. "Well, G , you are. Deal with it or move your behind. It doesn't take 20 minutes to put your socks on the morning" I respond. "Mom, the socks you gave me were inside out!" "Well, G, it takes 20 minutes to turn your socks to the right side?!? Seriously!" So THEN you know what she says to me?!? She says "No, SERIOUSLY, mom, next time you give me socks make sure they are right side in so I wont be so slow!"
The NERVE. Today is going to be a great day.
The moral of this story? Dont have kids.
Have a great day.
posted by Jessica @ 10:13 AM
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