So Random

So I am packing up my entire life to move to Queens. Its been a strange journey, this past year. And every little thing I still have (which isn’t much after the breakup) is a reminder. I am fully aware that life is a big huge lesson. And sometimes I look up at the sky and think of just how vivid God’s sense of humor is. How everything comes full circle- how in the end little tales become clues and foresight then connect like in a cheesy Woody Allen movie.

I wish I still smoked pot.I would roll up a fat spliff and giggle about everything going on right now. But I know that pot usually gets me paranoid and causes me to eat things like Peanut Butter Captain Crunch Cereal(and gain 30 more lbs)chased with Nesquick.

Woke up at 3:00 this morning and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I stayed up just evaluating my life, and studying everything going on this past year. Even in my dark bedroom, the light was shining through my window onto the wood floors and it was just this silent peaceful dark room. Not the same room that I once walked into with who was supposed to be my husband and grabbed him and kissed him in, back when the sun was shining in through that same window. A few months later we would be sitting on the foot of that very same bed breaking up. Truths have been told, and trust has been snatched, we have moved on from the breakup (mostly) and we are both seeing people. Sometimes I cant let myself really drift into deep thought because I am a person who does without thinking sometimes- and when I do sit and think about it too much, I scare myself.

I just want my mommy.